09.10

breathing slowly
as my heart's heavy
restless, unsure why
makes me wanna cry

i see you for a while
then you walk away
i want to talk to you
but you never say much

still i fake a smile
pretend i'm happy where i am
when all i really wanna be
is sit beside you and hold your hand

xKx

i'd know

i'm searching for you - longing for you
i feel my heart beating faster and faster
it must sense you near - oh what to do
my feet start running to get closer to where you are

i stop, feeling completely dazed
unsure of what my next step would be
how am i suppose to find you in this crowd
when your face is all i want to see

i don't really know what you look like
all i have is my heart telling me i'd know
i'd know when i look you in the eyes
and you give me the smile i'm dreaming of

i'd know by you hand-brushed hair and the crooked smile
that cheeky grin that could make my heart melt
and you'd be wearing your favorite shirt
that brings out the color in your eyes

i'd know that as i come closer to you
my heart starts to beating like crazy
and my stomach is filled with butterflies
then for a moment, i forget to breathe.

i blink once, and then one more time
i need to make sure this is real
i drown out the noise of the crowd around me
as nothing else would matter when say 'hi'.

xKx

x.

i find myself dreaming of you again
it's not what i really want or what i need
but then again there's no way to control any dream
so here i am asking what that could mean

i don't think i really know you anymore
you would say the same thing, i know that much
for it's been a while since we last talked
and both of us know it's not gonna happen anytime soon

we're letting things be
let life run its course
we're still both young anyway
our lost friendship will have its day

xKx

ix.

here i am, by myself again
strumming my guitar just humming
i sit comfortably by my window
as i stare out blankly, daydreaming

i've been alone for a while
just me and my dreams at night
i know i have the best friends and family
but sometimes having that is simply not enough

i sing a familiar tune
it's another sad love song, i know
just can't seem to find a happy one
when my heart's not exactly satisfied

xKx

viii.

my heart
emotion, feelings
take chances
risk everything
just let it flow
let it just take control
my brain
my mind, thinking
to pretend and lie
deny everything
fake a smile or laugh
you're just gonna get hurt
which one's stronger?
which one should you listen to?

xKx

vii.

i should be sleeping
instead i'm awake
i've been tossing and turning
but now it's too late
my alarm clock's about to sound
hears its countdown
tick tock tick tock
maybe i'll just turn it off
i've been thinking, i've been reading
which is probably why i just can't sleep

xKx

04.43

i always wanted to move on
from a past that was too painful
now i see something in you, about you
that gives me that strange feeling again
i never thought that it would be you
others would always joke
and i would just laugh along
but now, why does it hurt inside
you made me smile
it got me all inspired
but things changed overnight
somehow i was just so bothered
unsure of how or why i'm feeling this way
maybe because it seemed impossible
you and me can never happen
oh why can't everything just go back
to the ways things were before
maybe i'll just pretend this is nothing
maybe i'll convince myself this is scary
maybe i'll hide or runaway from you
maybe i can deny that this is true
or maybe i'll lie and fake a smile
when inside, my heart is being torn apart
yes, i'll fake a smile
and pretend i'm okay
when you smile at me
and sit right next to me
yes, i'll be okay.

xKx

01.10

i want to pretend it's not there
i could act like it's not real
i'll just put things or feelings aside
i know i've done this before
but it never gets easier
maybe i'm just getting ahead of myself
maybe i'm really scared of getting hurt
maybe, just maybe
this was nothing but a dream

xKx

vi.

sometimes i want to distance myself
i'd convince myself to stay away
however whenever i see you
it's your smile that greets me
i just want you near
i want you to be sitting beside me.
you're with your friends
i can't stop but stare and smile.
i know i'm really crazy
i shouldn't be feeling this way
let me pretend, nothing has happened
i'd fake a smile as if everything's alright
i'll try and control myself, stop myself
before this feeling takes over me.

xKx

v.

the more i know you
the deeper i fall
i should stay away, distance myself
but then, you turn to be always there
you make me smile
you make me laugh
you make me feel good
about myself, life and right now
but i'm scared, really
why does this happen now
i've long waited for something like this
and it's you who just can't stay for long
now i don't want this
but it's too late to runaway now
if only i can switch off
everytime you're around
but i know i just can't
eventhough i wish i really could
to stop my heart from crying (or breaking)
knowing i'll just be a good friend to you

xKx

first.

it was never in my plans
no one saw it coming
you became the unexpected
i'm trying to deny rather than react
i'd pretend because i can't stay away
i was caught completely off guard
i'm scared, to have it and to lose it
but what can i really lose
especially if i didn't give it a try
so i accept it and take a step
now my turn is over, your move.

xKx

19.36

i miss love
the comforting shoulder
the tight squeeze of hand
the warmth of an embrace
i want love
but i can't have it
i can't feel it
when it's not mine to take
i need love
share me some
spare me more
but i already have love
and yet i still want more

xKx

19.30

inspiration is sinking in
smiling can't be stopped
everywhere i look and turn
everything i see and hear
all the thoughts i have
it makes me smile.
inspiration makes me smile. :)

xKx

14.39

let me just write
i have to let this all out
this may not make sense
let's just do this freestyle
my heart is beating fast
my head seems to be spinning
my hand is shaking
and i just feel like crying
i want to shout
i want to scream
i want to break free
let go of everything
there's no holding back
who cares who's watching
let them stare in disbelief
they don't need to understand
i stop to think
i need some rest
my mind is wondering
i could fall asleep
i want to run away
hide until all this is over
i don't have te strength to fight this
i'm even losing some faith
this can't really be happening
this is not really me
i know i'm stronger than this,
better than this
but i can't just see me right now
i'm afraid, i'm scared, i'm terrified
not sureof what to say, what to do
confused and drowning in my thoughts
someone pull me out of it, please

xKx

...

is there any given formula
in creating the perfect rhyme
is there any hidden recipe
in cooking up the perfect lines
we pour in a cup of emotion
fill in in with the right words
and sprinkle it with inspiration...........

16.49

lost in a daydream
staring into nothingness
i look at him beside me
he's as lost as i am
can't help but smile

xKx

08.46

what's happening to me
i seem to be losing it
something's gotta be wrong
i'm not myself anymore
i'm reckless and yet very careful
i'm in a hurry and yet there's still time
but then i've been wasting too much time
so i'm just chasing something
that left me behind

xKx

08.41

with a heavy heart
i have trouble breathing
one, breathe in slowly
i close my eyes
two, breathe out
and then open
relax, i tell myself
just relax
everything will be okay.
it should so it will be.

xKx

20.30

bow
the show's over
the curtain's closing
bow
your time's up
your turn's over
bow
no more second chances
no looking back
just say goodbye now.

xKx

15.53

life
i'm not sure what it is
simple yet complex
whole yet broken
something's missing
something's wrong
i look for answers
i try to find some meaning
i search, i ask, i question
and i pray.

xKx

12.17

it's time to give back
open your heart to others
it's not just about you
there are people that need more
empty up your pockets
who cares if you end up broke
if it's simply for a good cause

xKx

18.37

the sunlight hidden behind the clouds
struggling so hard to show itself
it wants to break free
it wants to shine as bright as it can
then it does
you say there's no other day that's brighter than today
then maybe life can't get better than this

xKx

never be afraid

it's ok that you're not ready.
but never be afraid.
learn to take chances.
there are some things you can't escape.
be stupid if you must.
but learn to love smartly.
and if things don't work out.
then they just aren't meant to be.

xKx

badly

i'm thinking of you tonight
and all that want to do

i wanna look into your eyes
like i'm looking into your soul

i wanna hold your hand
squeeze it tight like there's no letting go

i want you to hug me so tight
just to show me how much you've missed me

i wanna feel your kiss
just like the first time it felt so right

but most of all, i just wanna be with you tonight
like it's the last time you'd ever be mine

xKx

here we are again

Call me crazy to fall for someone like you
I can't seem to help it coz i always do
The truth is you've always been special
Eventhough most of the time it didn't show

Oh i wish i could see the future
So i would know how it ends for you and me
I wanna know if this time it's for real
Or if fate is just playing with me again

Have you ever thought fate may be playing games with you
Coz somehow you always seem to keep coming back to me
I guess you you just got to stop and realize
That there's got to be a reason why this keeps happening

Maybe we should take it as a sign
Something we were just too blind to see
So take my hand now and never let go
Until we see an apple in an orange tree

xKx

me and you

the longing for someone new
dawned on me when you found someone too
it made me wonder, it made me think
i actually lost you when i blinked

i was lost for days and months
but you weren't affected all too much
i even questioned what was wrong with me
and what you saw in her that you didn't see in me

i wanted you back, oh yes, i missed you so
this was the first time in my life i ever felt so low
it was just so hard to forget, i'm not like you
'cause i believed what we had was wonderful and true

i was badly hurt as you can see
it was difficult to accept that you left me
now all the plans we made are meaningless
so that's why i was in such a mess

so my friends came to me 'cause i couldn't do this alone
they said maybe all i need was time and an ice cream cone
that didn't do much, i still felt blue
but my friends took care of me like i had the flu

they listened to me with every bitterness i wept
and watched me cry all the hurt till i slept
they even gave advice to help me clear my mind
even if being with me took up most of their time

my friend kept saying let go, it's time to move on
it's such a waste crying coz you've been long gone
so i thought about it and said i'll give it a try
i'll just save my tears for some other lie

so i decided to let you go and set us free
'cause the only way to move on was to let you be
i lived my life one day at a time
until everything had become fine

one day, surprisingly, you just came back
saying things like how there was something you lacked
and we talked as friends even if it was hard for me
but there was nothing wrong with it so i let it be

everything was going fine until one day
you just had to ruin it with your ways
'cause you said you wanted me back in your life
but i couldn't let you in, not without a fight

so i didn't say yes but i didn't say no
i was confused and i didn't really know
see the thing is i didn't need you right now
but i didn't want to lose you again somehow

then i realized i never really stopped loving you
i guess i just learned to live my life without you by my side
this is something i know is definitely true
i've just been trying to convince myself my love for you has died

so up to now, i still don't know what to do
you can't help me, you're confused too
but the decision about us will have to wait
since now we are definitely miles away

we still talk every once in a while
but it's hard for me to know if you're telling a lie
'cause for a guy, you definitely got alot to say
but i'm trying my best to believe you anyway

alot definitely has changed, this is true
but you keep saying nothing compares to me and you
so like what i always say, let's just wait and see
whatever the future holds for you and me

you told me once you'd wait and i hope you still would
hope you wouldn't just change your mind like your mood
'cause who knows one day we'll actually see
and find out if we were really meant to be

xKx

- starbucks, july22, saturday, 3:30pm -

take me home

wondering the streets alone
no one's calling my phone
isn't anyone looking for me
thinking where could i be

but then again who would bother
to waste their time just to find me
and now as time passes by, i feel lonelier
'cause i'm just a stranger to those who see

i keep imagining where you are, what you're doing
and wonderin' if you're thinking about me too
i'm missing you so much already
that now i also dream of me and you

it hurts me so that we're miles apart
i can't see your face or atleast hold your hand
but now, i'm all alone, left in the dark
and no one else could help me, only you can

i'm slowly losing control of my life
maybe i just need you to be part of it
'cause i've tried my best to do it on my own
but then i realized i need you more and more

then there you were, right in front of me
looking so worried, i couldn't help but just stare
is this some kind of illusion or crazy dream
that you are actually back with me

you hugged me tight like you won't let me go
while telling me things i've been wanting to hear
you held my hand and begged me to try
but i didn't budge, all i did was cry

so now please would you take me home
'cause i always wanna be by your side
with you is where i belong
take me home back to you

'cause you know i still love you
you know i'll always care
i want you back in my life
so can i ask you to stay

and never ever leave me alone again

xKx

- july 21 -

untitled, unfinished and uninspired

love hasn't always gone my way before
everytime i fall, i just get hurt even more
tears were always shed for someone who couldn't stay
so i put my heart aside and left love for some other day

maybe love isn't just for me
i gave up searching for something i couldn't see
i wanted something no one could give
every time i was scared, i would just leave

i'm a hopeless romantic who believed in fairytales
but now i'm one of those who has given up on true love
no more daydreaming
no more wishing on stars

but one day all that changed
for i started believing again
thanks to that unforgettable summer
i wasn't....